The top 7 fears of Suggles the      fabric softener bear.

1. The pillsbury dough boy will ask him to pock lower.
2. Company doctors will preform some kind of surgery to insure he remains "suggly forever.
3. Winnie the pooh will get drunck at a family gathering and start to loudly suggesting why he should be the fabric softener bear.
4. Excess softener will leave him unable to perform as a male.
5. He may end up in a washer with Al Sharptons undershirts.
6. Sleeping in a laundry basket exposes him to being attacked by house cats.
7. He might someday have to chew off his own leg to escape from a lint trap.


How am i suposed 2 say this*~
What am i suposed 2 do*~
Oviously u dont noe how much i love u*~
We were together but it didnt last*~
The break up, it happened so fast!
I couldnt say it to ur face*~
As i wrote how i felt my heart began 2 race*~
I regret Every thing i said in that E-mail*~
I wish i had you back*~
You say u still love me*~
And yet u can be with some 1 else*~
Now is that rite?*~
For some reason i cant get over you and you know it*~
I cant even talk 2 u any more with out blushing*~
Tell me if this is wrong, i just cant help it*~
!I LOVE YOU! 

              Im a Girl

Everyday i give thanks to the goddess
i have two mounds upon my bodice
i shave my legs, i sit down to pee
can justify any shopping spree
dont go to a barber but a beauty salon
can get a massage without a hard-on
can balance my checkbook can pump my own gas
can talk to my friends about the size of my ass!
my beauty is a masterpiece and yes it takes long
at leat i can admit to other when im wrong
i dont drive in circles at any cost
and i dont have a problem admitting im lost
i never forgt an important date
you will just have to deal with it im usually late!
i dont watch movies with a lot of gore
dont need instant repaly to remember the score
i wont lose my hair,
wont get jock itch
and just because im assertive
dont call me a bitch
i dont wear the same under wear everyday
the food in my fridge has no sign of decay
dont burp, dont belch, and certainly dont fart
ballet not football is what i consider an art
dont say toy our friends
oh yah i can get her
in your dreams my dear
i can do better
flowers are okay
but jewelry is best
would you look at my face,
not at my chest
i dont have a problem
expressing my feelings
i know when your lyin
because you look at he ceiling
doint call me a girl
a babe or a chick,
i am a woman
get it you prick!!

You looked at me with those blue eyes

And made me love through all your lies.
You broke my heart in seconds flat,
Never thot you'd hurt me like that.
I cried to hard for far too long,
Thot you missed me too but i was wrong.
You moved on so fast and found "The One",
Took me forever to accept that we were done.
The only girl you learned to love,
Desided you werent worthy of
All the love she had to give
And all your lies she wont forgive.
She looked at you and said "Goodbye",
I never thought I'd see you cry.
But as she turned and walked away,
And you knew things were not ok.
You lost the one you cared about,
She was gone there was no doubt.
You cheated but..she cheated to,
So i guess this time the games on you.
And as a tear fell from you eye
Maybe youll learn not to lie.
Im not over you and never will i be,
I hope one day that you will see...
Dont want you back...but i do want you to know,
The one who really loved you...you let her go



too many tears to wipe from my face
its too hard to lose someone
and watch another take your place
it's too hard to watch someone
Move on so fast
Because i want to think u still love me
but i'm still stuck in the past.
I want to believe you love me
i want to believe you care
i want to believe ur waiting for my call
i want to believe ur still there
But in the back of my mind somewhere i know
that none of this is tru
i know your truely gone
i know i cant be next to you
but for now i tell myself im okay
and keep inside my sorrow
i tell myself not to cry
even tho there might not be a tomorow
its too hard to watch you smile
when all i can do is frown
its too hard to see you happy
when my whole world is upside down
did u ever really need me
did u ever really care
i believed every word you said
now its like it was never even there
I feel so far away from you
even when i stand so c lose
its like you are forever out of reach
i miss your words the most
you always use to comfort me
and stay right by my side
you always were there to listen
even when our worlds colide
you were the world to me
always will be ,and still are today
always remember me in your heart
and i am never too far away 


                     I like monkeys.
The pet store was selling them for 5 a piece. I thought that odd since they
were normally a couple thousand each. I decided not to look a gift horse in the
mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.
I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was
Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept
punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals.
I stopped laughing.
I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new
environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds
and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its
novelty halfway into its third hour.
Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all
died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when
you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.
I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on
the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200
throw rugs.
I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had
one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.
I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while,
that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.
I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call
the plumber. I was embarrassed.
I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately there was
only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30
seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.
I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to
extinguish the fire.
Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my
freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't
improving.
I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the
bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.
I tried throwing them way but the garbage man said that the city wasn't allowed
to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't
take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.
I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends
didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them but I could
tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.
I like monkeys

          You were my friend

         I thought u were cool,


          I thought u were nice,


          But after so many days,


          I am sick of all the fights.


          I wanted u to know,


          You are always my best friend,


          But for now,


          This friendship has to end